There is a contemplative in all of us,
Almost strangled but still alive,
Who craves quiet enjoyment of the now,
And longs to touch the seamless garment of silence
Which makes whole.
- Alan P. Tory
Today I came across my journal. It was buried under books and paper in my nightstand drawer, untouched for months. I used to write in this journal religiously. I recorded all my thoughts and aspirations, ponderings and emotions. I didn't even know that it was lost until I found it.
Recently I have felt as if I do not know myself. This is a strange thing for me, because I've always been very good as listening to myself and figuring out what/why I'm thinking and feeling. My top muiltiple intelligence assessment is even intrapersonal, or "self-smart."
It seems like every single time I sit still enough to reflect my mind does nothing but sit still. It's running at 100 mph, reminding me that I need to get this done, or remember to tell so and so this, or attempting to recollect the Hebrew vocabulary words I need to know for the quiz this week. I may seem serene and collected on the outside, but I frequently feel in turmoil on the inside.
I've read somewhere that it becomes harder to think critically about life and faith as you get older. A person may have been deeply reflective in college but do not seem to find the time to continue this practice as adults (Steele - One the Way 160)There are now bills to pay, chores to complete, and social expectations to uphold. It's hard to know what's going on in your soul when there is never-ending homework to complete, dinner to cook, and a spouse to communicate with.
Isn't it amazing how many people never listen to their own souls and never sit in silence with themselves? Isn't it amazing how many people need to have their TV or radio on? Silence can be scary. It forces us to be still and listen to what's going on.
I encourage you to join me today by turning off your iPod, putting aside your homework/chores/work and just being quiet for a little while. Stop, rest, and be still before God.
Maybe finding yourself again will show just how lost you really were.