Last night, just before going to bed, I reflected on all of the good things in my life and was moved to the point of tears. In just that day alone I had enjoyed the company of good friends, an energizing run outside amidst breathtaking nature, the technology that enables me to enjoy beauty, the supplies that permit me to create art in my own little studio, various devices that serve to entertain, soft chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven, a loving husband who deeply cares for me...
I always feel very apprehensive about saying that all these wonderful things in my life that I have the pleasure of enjoying are because "God is good to me" or because "God has greatly blessed me." Don't get me wrong. I sincerely do believe that God is a GREAT God and that I am blessed beyond understanding. But saying these things makes me think about people who do not have access to beauty and wonderment and entertainment. People who do not even have access to food, clean water, or the leisure of wearing a new pair of clothes every day. If I say that all these good things in my life are a product of God's goodness, what does that mean in other people's contexts? That God is not as good to them? That God has not blessed them nearly as much as He as blessed me?
Where do we get the idea that "God will always provide?" What about that starving orphan living in Mongolia who dies before the age of 12? God didn't provide for him. Why should God provide the jobs we need here in the US, or the new washing machine to replace the one that just broke down, or the money to "live comfortably" when He doesn't provide for people who are desperately just trying to survive?
Why was I born in America, where I have been blessed my socks off?
I ask a lot of questions, ones that I'm not sure that there are any answers to. At the same time, I think that it's very important that I ask these questions.
For reason that we don't know, we have so much in our lives that have come to us by no merit of our own. Has God blessed us? Tremendously. Does that mean that He has chosen not to bless others? Perhaps it better means that God has chosen to bless others through our well being. Those He blesses are the instruments by which He strives to bless others.
God does not desire us to be tight-fisted people who hold on to all of our good things. May we extend our hands to others so that God can be known as a good God everywhere.
"Yet You are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel."
- Psalm 22:3
A few weeks ago I received a cute little fortune with my Chinese takeout:
"Do what you wish, as long as it does not harm anyone."
It's not much of a fortune, much less good advice. Yet, this seems to be this hedonistic philosophy behind much of our American lifestyle. A friend on Facebook recently posted a rant about how no one should tell her what to do because she is her own person and can do whatever she wanted.
Something I am still in the process of learning is that life isn't about you and what you want to do. I am not the most important person in this world, or even my own world. Every decision you make affects someone else.
Perhaps, then, others can tell you how to live.
Or Someone who knows it best.
In a few short weeks I will be beginning my classes at seminary. From working on-campus this summer I've received many of those get-to-know-you questions, like "Where are you from?", "What are you studying?", or my personal favorite, "What do you want to do with that?"
Let me fill you in on my answers: "I just graduated from Mount Vernon Nazarene University and am continuing to further my education in Biblical studies. I hope to become a Bible professor someday."
This time of transition in my life has forced to carefully rethink my life's goals (which, I believe, are in line with God's... Not that I think that He has my life written out for me, but that's an entirely different topic for another blog post). What if the main reason why I want to become a professor is because of the authority I will acquire or the respect I will gain?
In the beautiful memoir In the Name of Jesus, Roman Catholic priest Henri Nouwen recounts his experience of living among mentally handicapped people.
"[...] Their liking or disliking me had absolutely nothing to do with any of the many useful things I had done until then. Since nobody could read my books, the books could not impress anyone, and since most of them never went to school, my twenty years at Notre Dame, Yale, and Harvard did not provide a significant introduction. My considerable ecumenical experience proved even less valuable."
What if, like Nouwen, I am somewhere down the road called to an area of ministry where I have no job title or status? Would I be ok with that?
The truth is, whether we are in full-time ministry or are simply full-time disciples, nothing we do in life should be for the edification of ourselves. Not accumulating money, not being famous, not being on the honor roll, not getting the next best position, not climbing the corporate ladder.
If we're trying to climb the ladder, we're going to miss Jesus, because He is climbing down it.
Jesus, equal with God, made Himself nothing (Philippians 2:5-11). We Greek nerds have a word for this: kenosis, or "emptying." Whereas Jesus made Himself nothing, we try to make ourselves something. When Jesus calls us to be His followers, He calls us to mimic this same lifestyle. To come and die.
Abba, teach me what it means to continue to die to myself, for it is only in dying that I am reborn. I am no longer my own but Yours. Put me to what You will, rank me with whom You will. Put me to doing, put me to suffering. Let me be empty, let me have nothing. I freely and heartily yield all things to Your disposal.
Amen.
Every good and perfect gift is from above.
- James 1:17
Last night, just before going to bed, I reflected on all of the good things in my life and was moved to the point of tears. In just that day alone I had enjoyed the company of good friends, an energizing run outside amidst breathtaking nature, the technology that enables me to enjoy beauty, the supplies that permit me to create art in my own little studio, various devices that serve to entertain, soft chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven, a loving husband who deeply cares for me...
