Gibberish

When I traveled to Costa Rica and Nicaragua years ago, I listened very carefully to how translators would convert my group's words from English to Spanish. I find translation fascinating. The translator has to first interpret what the speaker is saying and then translate it into another language, all the while doing their best to keep the original meaning.
Occasionally, however, I noticed that the translations weren't always verbatim. An English speaker would say something that maybe (unintentionally) sounded a bit arrogant. Sometimes they would say something ambiguous or inconclusive. When this happened, the interpreter would make changes to the message in Spanish. He made the person sound better and communicated the person's intentions clearer. These translators were skilled with choosing Spanish words and phrases that did a better job at transmitting meaning to the recipients than their English counterparts did.

Now that I know enough Spanish to be dangerous, I find myself doing the same thing while translating. Although I know what the English speakers are saying, if I translate it literally into Spanish it won't make too much sense. I've learned to craft together Spanish words.

Sometimes, I feel like this is what my prayer life is like. I'm learning to think differently about prayer. I'm learning to understand it as encompassing more than just sitting still and mentally talking to God for a duration of time. There are sometimes, though, when I do verbally pray, that I feel at a lost as to what to say. I feel things that can't be conveyed into words. When I do use words, it seems like they're generic and ambiguous. I feel like I'm just talking gibberish (or, even better, just talking "Sunday School talk"... which is... gibberish).

It's frustrating.

It's during these times that I'm reminded that God's Spirit is praying with me.

"[...] The Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will." - Romans 8:26-27

I think I know what I may need, but God knows me better than I know myself. His Spirit translates my words so that convey meaning better than even I can articulate. God knows my heart, my desires, my fears, my doubts, my goals, and my frustrations.

I'm so thankful that God not only "speaks" my language but also translates it so that it contains deeper significance than I can clearly articulate.

The Illusion of Freedom

It's always so tempting to "keep my options open." To make career choices so that I'm free to do many things instead of few things, to avoid committal so I can easily go in any direction.

More and more, however, I'm becoming convinced that this kind of "freedom" really isn't free at all.

I think that this whole idea of "keeping my options open" is really attractive to my prevalent postmodern world because it gives the illusion of freedom. It makes me feel like I'm in control. I don't have to commit to something in case it disappoints me. Not only is this seen in careers, but it's seen in religious beliefs. I'll choose the aspects of a religion that appeals to me, but I won't commit because of the responsibility that will ensue. Plus, I might be let down by the church.

Several of my friends had a very strong sense of direction in life in college but now are "keeping their options open." They reason that they can really do ministry anywhere, so why does it matter if they devote themselves to a specific ministry? While I certainly do agree that we've separated the secular from the spiritual too much and ministry can, in fact, be done anywhere, I think that this thinking is flawed.
Is doing God's work "anywhere" the best use of our limited time here on this earth? Wouldn't it be better to be whole-heartedly committed to "something" instead of "anything?" Wouldn't it be better to discover "something" that uses your talents, passions, and interests and REALLY matters than to listlessly float around amongst "anything?"

Seek first the kingdom. Be committed to God's kingdom. That brings freedom.

Identity Crisis

For as long as I can remember, I have always been a very intrapersonal person. Being intrApersonal is much different from being intERpersonal. When someone is intERpersonal, they are skillfully capable at conversing and reading other people. When someone is intrApersonal, they are skillfully capable at understanding and sensing their own "self." Out of all of psychology's categories of intelligence, this one has always been my strongest.

Lately, however, I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. I sense that many characteristics about myself have changed. I still think of myself and describe myself in terms of who I used to be, but I can't help but to wonder if that person is still me.

I remember taking the Myers-Brigg test in junior high and coming up with the rare personality combination of INFP (often called the "healer"). I thought that this suited me quite well. Four years later I retook the test and came out with a different combination: INTJ (the "mastermind"). I remember being a bit devastated that my personality had changed. Were the first results the "real me," or were these new results the "real me?"
Looking back, I can see how much life's circumstances had in many ways helped alter my personality. I can't help but to wonder if something similar is happening in me now.

Who is the real me? How can I know? Which scares me more: the fact that my personality has changed again or that it can (and probably will) change again in the future?

And then I can't help but to wonder who "I" am a priori. I frequently think of myself in terms of my personality. But if that can change, what is the true essence of myself? Is there a part of me that is unchanging? What is the part that makes me, well, me?

Do I miss who I used to be?

So many thoughts running through my head, and they all seem to come when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep. No matter how long I analyze and brew over the issue, I don't feel like I'm any closer to understanding the "new me."

Bad Theology

A snippet from a conversation at youth group a few weeks ago:

Middle schooler: "We have to remember that God isn't just love. I've been reading Revelation and it talks about how Jesus is going to, like, kill us."

Her mom: "Oh, no, honey. Jesus isn't going to kill us. He's going to kill everyone else."

I didn't know whether to burst out laughing or cry.

How have misreadings of Revelation (mis)informed our theology? With this as a forefront view regarding Revelation in modern Christian culture (but not in scholarly circles and Church history, mind you), how can we undo the damage?

There's so much work to do...

(W)holy Love

On my right hand I have a ring with "agape," the Greek word for love, inscribed on it. The interior has a a reference to I John 4:16, which reads, "God is love." I can't tell you how many times I have seen this phrase on Christian-ize t-shirts or heard it in discussions. It's become a bumper sticker slogan for Christianity.

While this statement is true, it is also misleading. It leads us to believe that love is God's primary character quality. We equate the two things together.

If God's primary essence was love, then loving sinful human beings is something that just comes natural to him. He would only be doing what is his nature to do. It would not really be a free decision.

Instead of love, holiness is God's primary essence. God is set apart from sin to the point that he cannot have any contact with it, or the creatures that are infected with it. By loving us, God does not do what is his nature to do. He commits a profound act of love by inviting us to have a relationship with him. Loving us was not something that God had to do in accordance with his natural inclination. Loving us is an act of his free volition.
This is exactly what the Greek word "agape" means. Out of all the words for love that John could have chosen (there are several in Greek), John chose the one that signified a deliberate act of affection between unequal social groups. Agape in its truest sense is used when a person belonging to a higher class "stooped" to love someone below their class. Agape destroys social, physical, and spiritual boundaries.

In spite of our sinfulness, God chooses to "agape" us. He reaches down from his state of holiness in order to show his love to those who are unholy.

The simple sentence "God is love" has more theological significance than a bumper sticker can encompass. And yet, I am reminded of it every time I ponder the message on my little ring.

Never underestimate the significance of this three-word sentence.